To Desire and To Be Desired
We have been conditioned for thousands of years to believe that the feminine is supposed to be peacocking for the masculine to prove our sexual worth and desirability and it is killing us. That isn’t an exaggeration. Most of us are confused as to why we aren’t feeling sexually met, but don’t know how to go about getting better.
We are merely a few conversations away from making the changes to reroute our reality for the better. But it takes courage, time and determination, like everything else worth it in life.
Pleasure heals, and whomever told you otherwise either lied to you or they were confused. There Is is so much shame in admitting that we want pleasure. It is so embedded in our psyche that we often laugh when the word comes up.
Usually anything related to sex makes people laugh, and it is why I bring it up. Especially when I meet women who all they do is focus on looking hotter instead of what makes them feel hotter and more relaxed. What do we really want?
Why are we really trying to look hotter?
If not for more pleasure?
To attrack a lover who would make you feel so good, that it makes all your efforts to be desirable worth it?
Surely we want security and resources and if the masculine is mostly In charge of those then we want to make ourselves desirable to ‘lock’ in those safety measures for our lives.
But it isn’t what we are truly seeking.
What we truly desire is a heart connection and sexual connection so strong that we feel we are one with each other and we don’t have to try to be anything but good friends to our lovers.
How can we begin to rewire our expectations of ourselves and our lovers?
We start asking ourselves for what we want and we write it down. We journal and we practice saying out loud. In the mirror.
Spending time touching yourself longer than 10 minutes. Caress your body lovingly and learn what it needs and wants without chasing the orgasm.
Have more conversations with your friends about it. Ask them how their sex lives are. Ask them what they would change?
Our responsibility to pleasure is our power to heal ourselves and the world.
It begins with our willingness.
